POEMS III

Goodbye

Goodbye,
You have always been in my life,
Now you are gone.
Taken before I got to say goodbye.
I know that you know how much I love you,
But I wish I could have told you one more time.
I wish that I had seen you more often.
I know that you are at peace now,
But my heart is empty.
I always thought that you would be here.
Losing you hurts.
All I can think of is the stuff that I never said.
Everything that we did fills my head,
Memories that seemed so long ago,
Rush back to my brain.
I remember your smiling face.
I wish that I could see you one more time,
To say a proper goodbye.
But it would still hurt just the same.
So many tears to cry,
Just because you left my life,
But not my heart.
You are now in heaven watching over me.
I’m grateful for that because now you’re my guardian angel.
I love you,
Goodbye.

Pressure

You tell me that I did not do well enough,
Whatever happened to do the best that you can?
Is my best not good enough for you anymore?
You are killing me with pressure,
It presses down on me,
Strangling me,
I can’t breathe.
I get panic attacks before I do anything of importance.
Constantly, afraid that my best is not what you expect of me.
You are killing me with pressure.
I always feel like crying,
Thinking that I am not good enough for you.
Your pressure adds stress.
Whatever happened to try your best, dear?
Now, it is you could have done better,
When you say that I feel like a failure.
Stop strangling me with pressure,
I need time to relax.
If you had it your way I never would.
I don’t know what to do.
I am drowning in the pressure you place on me.
Do you need to tell me that my best is no longer good enough?
You are killing my self-esteem,
Sucking the life out of me,
Every time you say that I should do better my self value lessens,
Please stop the pressure I can’t take it,
If it continues it will destroy me.

Confusion

I feel all confused,
My heart is split in two.
Do you love me or her?
Make up your mind.
I'm not a toy for you to use.
If you are going to hurt me, do it now.
Before I fall too deep,
Into the darkness of a broken heart.
I sense that you are watching me,
But when I look you turn away.
Do you want me?
Or is this a game you play?
Should I love you or leave you?
So many questions,
So few answers.
I am losing myself in a sea of confusion.
Save me before I am gone forever.

Understand Me

You don’t understand me.
To you I am a mystery to be solved.
The only problem is that the pieces don’t fit.
Sometimes I’m quiet, sometimes loud,
Which is the real me?
I wear a mask,
That covers the truth.
I only let you see what I want you to see,
And you only see what you wish to see.
How can you truly know me?
You try and read my jumbled mind,
But if I can’t understand my thoughts, how can you?
You have to peel away the layers to get to me.
Are you strong enough to know the real me?
Naked and bare in front of you,
Nothing hidden.
Are you strong enough to understand me?

Tired

I’m so tired of feeling out of place,
Like an outsider looking in.
I’m so tired of feeling alone,
Even when I am surrounded by people.
I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep,
When no one can hear me.
I’m so tired of doing things I don’t want to do,
But do anyway to make people happy.
I’m so tired of smiling,
When all I want to do is cry.
I’m so tired of wanting you,
Because you don’t even know me.
I’m so tired of feeling helpless,
When I could do so much to help people.
I’m so tired of being tired,
But there is so much for me to do.

Pain

I am filled with pain,
No one understands.
I wear a happy face,
I laugh and I smile,
Inside I am crying.
I feel so alone,
So filled with pain.
No one understands.
I have to act happy all the time.
If I get mad people are shocked.
I must have a smile on my face,
Because that is how people see me.
No tears,
No frowns,
Hiding my pain with a mask of happiness,
Pushing it down,
Until no one can see it,
Not even me,
Until the day I explode,
I must hid my pain.

Helpless

I feel so helpless.
Like there is nothing I can do.
People hurt and people die,
But there is nothing I can do to change it.
I wish I could do something to make others feel better,
But all I can do is be there for them.
I want to ease their pain.
But there is no real way to do that.
All I can do is be their friend,
And hope that is enough.

Why?

Why does it seem that bad things keep happening?
Was the world always this horrible?
Or have I just gotten old enough to understand.
However, I don't think I can ever truly comprehend,
The hate, anger and destruction that has been occurring throughout the world.
Will it ever get better?
Or must more people lose their lives,
Before something will be done.
Will the world ever be happy and peaceful again?
Or did that time leave like the innocence of childhood?
I wish that I could understand,
But all I am left with is questions of why?

Shadow

There is a darkness over my heart.
Its been there since you died.
I don't know how to remove it.
I think the only way is if you come back.
The sadness is overwhelming.
I don't know what to do.
I don't feel like the same person anymore.
The shadow of your death lingers.
Will it ever lessen?
Will I ever feel better again?
Or will this shadow forever remain in my life?

Untitled

I need you to come back.
I am lost without you.
Floating in a sea of loneliness,
Wondering if things can ever get better.
I miss you.
Everyday I think of you,
Causing my heart to hurt even more.
How can I stop this pain?
With each passing day I feel worse,
When will I feel better?
The sadness has become part of my life.
I don't know how to get rid of it.
I'm afraid that one day I will forget you.
I don't want that to happen.
How can I remember you without the pain?

All poems written by Jenni

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This Page Last Updated on March 23, 2003,